Facebook fortune cookies

A new feature on Facebook allows users to personalize their username/profile url. Users search for their preferred handle, and if it's not available, alternatives are suggested. It has become an oracle of sorts, doling out everything from practical tips to hard, cold facts. Given certain names are not available because someone else has secured them, this feature is a form of psychic crowdsourcing. My digital future isn't as rosy as I hoped it would be...

"Early adopters, those who rush to embrace new technology and functionality, enjoy greater freedom when selecting names, phrases, and concepts. Fair or not, this is seen as their right as today's digital pioneers," said Bankim Budhil, Professor of Media and Metaphysics, California Institution of Technology.

"By the time millions have registered, new community members have their decisions shaped by those who came before them. With mundane and obvious choices unavailable, these individuals are forced to look deeper into themselves for designations that reflect their true being. They must explore their soul as never before, resulting in greater self-awareness, wisdom, and compassion.” Given this phenomenon, and projecting the growth internet access and social media, Budhil predicts that such introspection on a global scale will bring peace to every living creature on Earth by the end of Summer 2037.

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